Barack Obama

The reviews are in from my first State of the Union address, and frankly I’m a little disappointed. Some right-wingnuts are saying I was too partisan, blaming Bush for a trillion-dollar deficit I…

Thanks, David Axelrod. The secret is out. I’m an out-and-proud energy hog!I like to show off my trim, athletic figure, so no suit coat for me. I’m also from Hawaii, as my chief advisor so astutely…

I didn’t know who to direct this to; things have been kind of hectic lately, what with me becoming President of the United States of America and all.You hold back a lot of emotions, mostly rage, when…

My fellow Americans—everybody is entitled to make a mistake. Or two.First, I pick a Treasury Secretary who doesn’t pay $34,000 in taxes, and thinks summer camp is deductible. This is going to make…

Spare me, please, the crocodile tears of former Bush torture-master John Yoo in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal. Just because I shut down Guantanamo Bay, all of a sudden I’m a softy. Puh-lease!Has…

Jesus H. Freaking Christ—first day on the job and the fawning adulation has already stopped! Where’s the love?I’ve got tough decisions to make, like where to put the prisoners if I shut down…

My fellow Americans:Today marks the final step in a long and difficult march to freedom. For smokers.For too long, people like me have been forced to stand outside in the cold and the rain in order…

I’m getting flack from conservatives for nominating Timothy Geithner—try saying that five times fast—to be Secretary of the Treasury.All because he didn’t pay his taxes for 2001. Or 2002. Or ‘03….

By now, you’ve heard all the rumors. I’m a Muslim—not that there’s anything wrong with that.  I’m not an American—not that there’s anything so hot about that. I’m a radical, I’m a smoker, I dribble…

By now, you’ve heard all the rumors. I’m a Muslim—not that there’s anything wrong with that.  I’m not an American—not that there’s anything so hot about that. I’m a radical, I’m a smoker, I dribble…